As I wrote in my previous post, Alan wasn’t a cook, chef, or in the industry at all when we dated or got married. He did a career change two-and-a-half years ago; going from the corporate world to the culinary world. And I have to say, it was one of the best decisions we’ve made as a couple. Another great decision we made was moving away from Chicago to Chapel Hill.
When we first got down here, Alan got a line cook position at a place that was closed Sundays and Mondays, so we had Sundays together. But that job sucked, and so he went looking for a new one. He ended up where he is now, working dinner Wednesday through Saturday. This means we only see each other Monday and Tuesday evenings, plus Saturday and Sunday mornings, unless I take a day off or work from home. I’m not going to lie, it was quite an adjustment, but it works.
When we are together, our time is more meaningful that when we saw each other five nights a week, and all weekend in Chicago on a “corporate” schedule. We make dinner together, we sit down at the dinner table to eat, talk, and relax. We play cards some nights, or go for a walk, or try out a new restaurant. Saturday and Sunday mornings we’ll sometimes go explore the area, go out for breakfast or lunch, or just be lazy at home together. Since our time together is more limited, we seem to enjoy it more. We have never been a couple to bicker, but we definitely don’t waste our time together doing silly things like that.
Before we did make the final decision for Alan to switch careers, I did some loose research about being married to someone in the industry. That’s when I found Desperate Chefs’ Wives and Chef’s Widow. Here were two women, one with kids on without, that were married to chefs and making it happen. Just like any relationship they had ups and downs, but they made it, and are making it, work. These blogs helped alleviate some of my fears, because quite frankly, the divorce rate in the culinary world is high.
But Alan and I have some advantages that make me confident we’re going to make it. One, we’re making it. We’re figuring out how to be husband and wife and start a family with our opposite schedules. Two, we came to this decision together. He didn’t just say, “This is what I’m doing, deal”. And third, we really are each other’s best friend. We were friends in high school before we started dating. I know some people who are married, and they are husband and wife, but not best friends. I think this makes a HUGE difference in a marriage, regardless of what industry anyone is in. I couldn’t imagine marrying someone who wasn’t my best friend. I did marry my best friend, so I am there for him, to help him pursue his dreams, as he is there for me.
Sure, I get lonely some evenings, and hate for him to leave on Saturdays and Sundays, but that’s the life I chose. I am really starting to make some great friends down here which helps a lot. I do make plans on the weekends and get out of the house. I even have a friend who knows what my life is like as she is married to a firefighter who works 24 hour shifts. They have a son and she really feels like a single mom at times. I know I am going to lean on her and look to her for guidance from time to time as we start our family (very soon I must say!). I think that’s important in being married to a cook, you really need to create a support network for yourself.
All I can say, is Alan is happy in the career he is now in. He is pleasant to be around, he isn’t stressed, he isn’t miserable, he’s happy. That also makes our time together so much better. I would much rather see him just a few hours a week and have those hours be pleasant, enjoyable, and meaningful, than see him every night at 5:00 with him crabby and snippy (which happened at times).
I also don’t mind being the main “bread winner” of the family. I know I’ve read some blogs and comments where some women are resentful that their chef/cook husbands don’t make more money or aren’t the primary supporters of the household. That’s not me, not my style. I am grateful I make enough money for us to have Alan switch careers. And I make enough money that while he is a line cook, he only works at one restaurant. I know some line cooks have to work two (and sometimes three) jobs just to make ends me. Alan can bust his butt at the one job, really prove himself, and then come home and get some well needed and deserved rest.
I am fortunate as well. My cook still cooks for me. He tries out new recipes on his days off, makes stock when there’s room in the freezer, he’ll even do prep work f or me before he heads to work, so that I can cook dinner faster and easier. He plans on making all (well most, I’ll do some) of the baby’s food once the little one moves on to solids. He still loves cooking and boy do I benefit!
So, we’ve found a life that works for us. It isn’t the easiest at times, but it is the best. I wouldn’t change it for the world!
