I am in a state of depression. I think it is a bit of relapse of my post partum depression, I think it is a bit of reaction to the cancer scare with Lindsay, and I think some of it is the loss of my dad in July 2011. I think I stuck somewhere in the anger/depression stage(s) of grief. I am angry that he died. Not angry at him, but angry that he died and other horrible people and people who don’t take care of themselves (chain smoking, massive binge drinking, doing drugs, whatever) who are still alive.
I am also depressed that he died. He was not only my dad, but also my friend and my mentor. I am lost at times without him. I don’t know if this is normal nearly 2 years out or not. But I am pissed and I’m going to say it, “IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR!”