Blech!

That’s how I feel, just blech.  And I think I know why.  I have a strong suspicion that the coffee marked “decaf” was not, in fact, decaffeinated.  It has been three-and-a-half years since I’ve had caffeine.  I feel  a bit hyper, my head is spinning a bit, my stomach is unsettled, all the things I felt the last time I had caffeine, and why I quit.  All I can do now is drink water and wait.  Ugh.

 

Hurry up and wait

Hurry up and wait.  That is a common theme for me at my job.  I am a financial analyst in Durham who deals, in addition to many other responsibilities, with forecasting.  I’ve created a whole new procedure for the FY10 forecast process which will be sent out on Monday.  I will be busy once the books close, but until financials are finalized for the month, I just need to hurry up and wait.  I have reviewed, tweaked, and tested my database and macros time and time again, they are good.  They are solid.  They are ready to be run.

I hate being slow at work.  It makes the days drag on.  Earlier today I helped someone with an Excel template.  That hour flew by.  I love doing stuff like that (I am a total Excel/process improvement geek).  I look forward to using my whole forecasting tool on Friday, but until then, things are looking slow. 

We may be undergoing a reorganization in the Finance department in the next month or so.  I am excited about the possible opportunities and can’t help but wonder if I’ll be given a new position where I take on projects for members of the Finance team to stream-line, automate, and improve their processes.  I would LOVE a position like that.  I like projects.  Things with definite beginnings and endings.  I am good at monthly tasks, but find them boring and tedious.  I like the challenge of a project, the variety, and the sense of accomplishment once completed and implemented.  I will just have to hurry up and wait to see what happens to the department. 

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In other news, Nate was all smiles this morning.  He’s starting to really pull his knees up and he is close to starting to grab on to his chunky little feet.  He was on the changing table this morning just grinning away while he pulled his feet up and down and kicked them all around.  He was really entertaining himself.  It was quite funny to watch and a wonderful way to start my day. 

Just sitting here thinking of it is putting a smile on my face.

 

Banned Books

Each year, the ALA’s Office for Intellectual Freedom records hundreds of attempts by individuals and groups to have books removed from libraries shelves and from classrooms. (bannedbooksweek.org/Mapofbookcensorship.html)

At least 42 of the Radcliffe Publishing Course Top 100 Novels of the 20th Century (www.ala.org/ala/issuesadvocacy/banned/frequentlychallenged/challengedclassics/index.cfm) have been the target of ban attempts. Visit www.ala.org/ala/issuesadvocacy/banned/bannedbooksweek/ for more information on book bans and challenges.

_x_ The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
_x_ The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
_x_ The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
_x_ To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
___ The Color Purple by Alice Walker
___ Ulysses by James Joyce
___ Beloved by Toni Morrison
___ The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
_x_ 1984 by George Orwell
___ Lolita by Vladmir Nabokov
_x_ Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
_x_ Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
_x_ Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
___ The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
___ As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
___ A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
___ Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
___ Their Eyes are Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
___ Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
___ Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
___ Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
___ Native Son by Richard Wright
___ One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
___ Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
___ For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
_x_ The Call of the Wild by Jack London
___ Go Tell it on the Mountain by James Baldwin
___ All the King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren
_x_ The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
___ Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence
___ A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess —————- (tried reading it.  It was whack!)
___ In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
___ The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
___ Sons and Lovers by D. H. Lawrence
___ Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
___ A Separate Peace by John Knowles
___ Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
___ Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence
___ The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer
___ Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
___ An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
___ Rabbit, Run by John Updike

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I’m almost embarassed by how few of these books I’ve read.  I’m going to have to get cracking.  Alan will be happy about this, since he’s been trying to get me to read Hemmingway for a while now.  I think a trip to the library may be in order today.  Or, maybe I’ll first check our bookcases and see which of these we own.

 

Hi ho, hi ho. . .

. . . it’s back to work I go.  My maternity leave officially ends today and I am heading back to work tomorrow.  I am overall looking forward to going back, but it is going to be hard to drop Nate off at daycare.  I also think I will be dog tired when I get home tomorrow.  Then again, maybe not.  Motherhood has been physically demanding, but not that mentally challenging, well, not in the way that work in mentally challenging.  So maybe being able to sit all day and just think will be invigorating.  I don’t know.  I guess we’ll see.

I just hope I don’t totally lose it when I do drop Nate off.  I’m sure I’ll have a few tears.  Heck, I did today just thinking of it.  But I work about three minutes from his daycare, and that is just not much time to compose myself. 

 

Final few

I put on a fair amount of weight during my pregnancy.  I thought I was eating well, not going too crazy, but the scale kept creeping up a bit faster than it should.  Then when the preeclampsia hit, man alive did I put on weight!  Well, here it is, eight weeks postpartum, and I am only about 8 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight.  From the day I got home from the hospital to about two weeks later, I lost fifty, yes FIFTY pounds!  In TWO WEEKS!  Turns out that almost all the weight gain, even from the early beginnings of the pregnancy, was water retention. 

Well it’s great that I have so little weight to lose, but it is just enough, the none of my pre-pregnancy pants fit, ugh.  So, I am buckling down and I am going to lose those final few pounds, plus a few.  Weight had been creeping on before I got pregnant, so for now I am setting a goal to lose 15 pounds.  I am using Weight Watchers online.  I have sucessfully lost 50 pounds in the past using Weight Watchers, so I am returning to something that works for me.  I am sharing this on my blog to give me a little additional accountability. 

Not only accountability, but in dealing with postpartum depression, I was very open about it.  I told my boss, my landlord, my family, my friends, and put it here on my blog.  I decided to be open about it because it is nothing to be ashamed of, and hopefully me being so open will help others realize there is nothing to be ashamed of, to get the help they need, and for them to talk about it.

Well, weight loss of any kind, and especially after having a child, is nothing to be ashamed of.  It is something to be applauded.  You put on weight when you are pregnant. It’s a fact, and it is necessary.  There’s no reason to try to act like it doesn’t happen.  And once the baby is born, there’s no reason to not try to get back to your pre-pregnancy self. 

I haven’t been ready to start the weight loss until now.  I had to get through the postpartum depression, I had to adjust to being a new mom, and I had to give myself a break, because my body’s been through hell the past two months.

Well, now I am better, getting into the swing of things, and ready to get fit!

 

For the love of Pete!

For the love of Pete!  You have GOT to be kidding me!  My stinking seasonal headaches/faceaches have started back up again.  Like I haven’t been through enough this summer with preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, c-section, UTI, and postpartum depression?  Now I have these headaches which no pain reliever helps and no doctor can figure out the cause.  UGH!

This is about the 10th or 11th year-in-a-row that I have gotten them.  It’s just that I thought I was free and clear since it is mid-September and they usually begin in early- to mid-August.  Oh well, such is life.  They’ll be gone in a month or two.

 

Bottom of the totem pole

Alan just woke up, and greeted the family in the following order, “Good morning animals. . . son. . . wife.”

I asked, “I’m the last?  I’m at the bottom of the totem pole?”

He said, “You’re the most patient.”

nice save

 

Stick up her butt

There is a woman in the next community over with a big ‘ole stick up her butt.  There is a park in the community which is for residents only.  I admit, I’ve used it to walk Riley, but my landlords live in the community plus I ALWAYS clean up after Riley, so I figured no harm.  Yesterday I was confronted by a woman who lives there asking if I lived there and informed me it was a private park.  I said I know, but that my landlords live in the community and said I could use it.  Well, she e-mailed the community complaining about my use of the park.  That’s fine.  I understand.  I won’t use the park any more.

What pisses me off is that she also complained about my ”meandering” on the PUBLIC sidewalks through their community.  She basically said in her e-mail there’s nothing she could do about that;  but she certainly didn’t seem happy with the situation.  Jesus, lady, it’s not like I’m dealing drugs, dumping trash, or wandering around drunk!  And meandering?  WTF?  I’m walking my dog! 

My landlord was pretty cool about it all (she forwarded the e-mail to me).  I’ll stop using the park, but I will NOT stop using the public sidewalks.  If that woman didn’t want people “meandering” through her neighborhood, she should moved into a gated community.  What’s really sad is this is Chapel Hill, 97% of the people here are so nice, friendly, and NEIGHBORLY.  She is not one of them and she gives Chapel Hill a bad name.

 

Promotions

I am being promoted to an official “chef’s widow” or ”chef’s wife”.    Alan is being promoted to sous chef!  I am so proud of him and very excited for him.  Congratulations, honey!

 

One week

One week ago I was in the hospital and crying myself hysterical.  It’s amazing what a difference a week can make. 

• Alan tells me a week ago, I couldn’t even change a diaper, and yesterday I changed about six (at least). 
• A week ago I couldn’t really eat, only drink water and juice.  Yesterday I had an amazing dinner out with Alan at Lantern – and then had a whole turkey sandwich as a midnight snack. 
• A week ago I was crying uncontrollably with no end in sight, yesterday I cried a couple times for just  a couple minutes each time and the tears were out of frustration for not being 100% – not out of sadness or the depths of depression. 
• A week ago I was terrified for the future of my family, now I am confident I will get to 100% better and we will (are) be a strong family with lots of joy and happiness.
• A week ago I loved Nathan but couldn’t truly appreciate him, now I love him with all my being,  look at him in awe - knowing Alan and I created him, and I can’t wait for each day to watch him grow and thrive.
• A week ago I loved Alan with all my heart, now I love him a thousand times more as he has been truly amazing, supportive, and caring throughout this hellish experience.

One week.  That’s all it took for me to get where I am.  And I need to keep reminding myself of that; because I still am not as well as I want, and that frustrates me – pisses me off to no end.  I want to not wake with anxiety, I want to no longer have that pit in my stomach pop up, I want to be ME. And I’m not there – yet.  Let’s just wait and see where I am in one week.